Sunday, December 15, 2013

Therapy Socks

I learned a little lesson this month. If there is someone you love and you want to make something special, don't assume they will always be around. Get your sh%t together and get it done.

Cathy, my stepmom, let me know that my Grandma was sick and in the hospital. My daughter and I sat down and made her a special painting and I wrote a letter to her letting her know I was thinking about her and going to use my new skills to make her socks! Now grandma is a tall willowy thing who is always cold and has terrible arthritis. I couldn't be there with her so I figured some foot ware to keep her warm was just the thing. It was a week before I got the yarn and needles I needed and by that time I'd also finally developed enough self assuredness to make up some Christmas presents. I did cast on the socks and made some headway but I have to admit other things got pushed ahead of the line. For some reason in my head Grandma wasn't in the hospital and would be fine. I realize now that it didn't even occur to me that she was as sick as she was and even though she's in her 80s a part of me refused to acknowledge the thought of loosing her.

Cathy went out to visit and gave updates and sent me measurements for her feet that I asked for. I had finished the hats I'd set out to make and was having a "day off" where I did a simple project and took the socks with me to the park with my daughter. I got the call from my stepmom that Grandma had passed that morning. Of course this means I blubbered in the park while my 2 year old gently patted and hugged me, whimpering a little and offering as much comfort as a little person can give. When I was talking to Cathy she said that it had meant so much to Grandma that I was making her socks. That made my heart squeeze and fresh tears flow because I didn't get them to her on time. I had given myself an end date of before christmas but it hadn't been soon enough.

I told Cathy I was now making the socks for her and they were love socks. She said she would never want to wear them because she didn't want to wear them out and I told her flat out, they are meant to be worn, and I will learn to darn socks and she can send them to me for repairs, but these are meant to give someone warmth and if grandma can't have it then I wanted my stepmom to. I knitted a good 5 1/2 inches that day.

I've been working on the socks like crazy.  The funeral is Friday and I want to get them out to Cathy asap. It makes me sick to think how fast I'm making them and how well they are turning out. If I'd have put more effort into it she could have had them for the last bit. I try not to think about it though. I feel like I'll be a little more healed once the socks are done, that they are helping me through my grief give me that bit of closure to where I'm not crying a few times a day.

I still have some grandparents kicking about and all I can think of is that I need to make each of them something before they go. Giving them something I put time, thought, and effort into to show them that I love them. With new babies coming up and birthdays and wanting to make something for my own kid it'll be hard, but I can do this because they are worth it. 

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